Power Point

CAST
Bryan-mid 30s
Alicia-early 20s
Maggie-mid 30s
Jim-late 20s
Frank-early 40s
Kelly-late 20s

(Conference room of a suburban office. It's a Saturday and snowing heavily. The workers are under deadline and grudgingly agreed to come to work.)

FRANK
(addressing his team)
Looks like we got it guys. Great work! Let's pack it up and head out before the snow gets worse.

BRYAN
(looking at his laptop)
Uh, we're not going anywhere. The state police just closed the expressways.

FRANK
(Walks to the window)
You're kidding me . . . its not that ba–-

MAGGIE
Bad? It's a blizzard, Frank. A blizzard. Again, so glad you volunteered us to come in on a Saturday.

FRANK
Hey, I wasn't about to flake on our biggest account.

MAGGIE
(mimics him, uses snotty voice)
I wasn't about to flake on our biggest account. Whatever. I need some more coffee.

(Maggie exits)

JIM
Wow. So that's why it's a bad idea to fuck your coworkers.

ALICIA
JIM!

JIM
Frank, what were you thinking? She's a psycho.

FRANK
What are you talking about?

KELLY
Everyone knows about you guys. The whole office, shit the whole company knows. Remember when the warehouse guys started singing "Secret Lovers" last week after the insurance meeting?

FRANK
Yeah.

KELLY
That was for you.

FRANK
Fuck.

ALICIA
Bryan is the Metra running? I have to get back to the city.

BRYAN
(Still surfing the web)
Nope.

ALICIA
What are we going to do? God I hate the suburbs!
(She starts to whimper)

BRYAN
Hell if I know. Frank you're our fearless leader, any ideas?

FRANK
I'll call my wife and see if there's anything on the news.

(Frank exits, passing Maggie. Maggie kind of shoves him.)

MAGGIE
I think the old man has beer in his office fridge, whaddya think?

ALICIA
I think that's a great way to lose your job, Maggie.

MAGGIE
(pulls out a beer from under her sweater, cracks it open)
Looks like I'll be in the unemployment line with a hangover then!

JIM
Maggie, why are you so crazy?

MAGGIE
You want a beer don't you?

JIM
Oh yeah.
(He gets up to leave.)

BRYAN
Grab me one!

KELLY
Me too!

(They look expectantly at Alicia)

ALICIA
Oh, alright.

MAGGIE
Looks like we got ourselves a little office party.

(Frank enters.)

FRANK
Well, we're stuck here for at least the next four or five hours until the roads open up. I called George and he doesn't want anyone taking any chances.

(Notices Maggie's beer)

I guess I should call him back and tell him he might need some beer. You know he keeps that for after hour meetings with clients.

MAGGIE
I could give a shit. How's the missus?

FRANK
Maggie.

(Jim enters with an inbox filled with beers.)

KELLY
So did you two ever, you know get it on here at the office? That's kind of a fantasy of mine.
(She looks at Bryan.)

(Maggie and Frank stare at each other in silence.)

KELLY
In this conference room?
(Maggie and Frank are still quiet)

BRYAN
On this table?
(Maggie busts out laughing)

JIM
That is fucking disgusting. I eat my lunch in here sometimes.

MAGGIE
Oh, settle down. When you're with Frank it's only the best. The Double Tree in Arlington Heights mostly. Frank was even going to spring for the Sybaris for my birthday, remember?

ALICIA
EEEWW. Frank, the Sybaris? Really?

JIM
Those commercials are nauseating. How anyone could find two people frolicking in a steamy broth of semen and Lady Stetson sexy, is completely beyond me.

(Everyone laughs, except Frank.)

FRANK
It's not that bad.

MAGGIE
Oh, it is Frank. It is. Alright. Who wants to see my presentation?

KELLY
Come on Mag, we're done with work.

MAGGIE
This is a very special presentation. One that I was saving for Monday when I quit.

FRANK
You're bluffing. You're not going anywhere.

MAGGIE
(She grabs Bryan's laptop and begins to furiously point and click. Soon a power point presentation appears on the wall.)

Indeed, I am not bluffing. Ready? Alright on this first slide you'll see a bar graph detailing the sharp decline in my affection for Frank during the last two quarters of 2006. Kelly, you have a question?

KELLY
Yeah, there's this dramatic dip around Labor Day, but then the numbers climb right back up. What happened?

MAGGIE
Wanna field this one Frank? Hmmm? Guess not. That would have been when he didn't show up to my party, but then spent the following week doing some hard core wooing and so I caved.

FRANK
I took my kids camping Maggie. You know that.

MAGGIE
THE NUMBERS DON'T LIE FRANK! Alright, moving on. Here's a picture of Frank in his underwear sleeping on my couch. Pay attention to the size of his gut, and his hairline. This was taken in early February. Now compare it with this nearly identical photo taken last week. Not only is he getting fatter, but he is losing his hair at a faster-than-normal rate. Alarming.

FRANK
YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!

MAGGIE
I DID THE RESEARCH FRANK!

BRYAN
Ya know, that would be a great spot in your presentation for some animation.

MAGGIE
Ya think? Hmmm. Maybe. Ready for the next slide?

EVERYONE
YES!

(Maggie clicks to the next slide, everyone gasps, then starts laughing.)

MAGGIE
OK, so here we have Frank's penis. He's a heavy sleep-

(Interrupts)
FRANK

I'M LEAVING!
MAGGIE
Whatever. So as I was saying, we have Frank's flacid penis which you can see if you look at the legend on the inset, is just a shade under three inches, give or take a milli . . . ok centimeter.

ALICIA
Yikes.

KELLY
But he's so tall! His feet are huge. Three inches? Really?
(She holds out her thumb and index finger as if to measure that distance.)

MAGGIE
Urban legend ladies. It's classic bait and switch. Don't you go falling for it.

(They nod)

JIM
Ok, now you're just being a bitch.

BRYAN
Yeah. Size doesn't matter. Everyone knows that.

(The girls laugh)

MAGGIE
Hey, you know what? If the size of my ass is gonna matter, than the size of your. . .

(Frank enters)
You're back! Yay!

FRANK
You're so fired. Once the streets clear--

MAGGIE
But I worked so hard on this presentation. And we're not even a a third of the way through it. Sorry guys, would love to finish but Power Trip here says I'm done. I'll go pack up my office.

FRANK
That's a good idea. And there's got to be some work the rest of you can be doing.

(He exits)

JIM
I do have a few things, I guess.

(He gets up and takes the beer with him.)

ALICIA
Maggie, I'll help you pack. Three inches? You must have really liked him.

MAGGIE
Thanks. And yep, I did.

(The two exit leaving Bryan and Kelly. Bryan is engrossed in his computer.)

KELLY
Any word on the roads?

BRYAN
Nope. Like Frank said it's going to be a few hours still.

KELLY
Well, I'm caught up with work, are you?

BRYAN
I still have to . .

(looks up from his computer and sees Kelly's face.)

. . . oh. Oh.

KELLY
That's what I thought.

(Black out.)