Miss Manners says it is rude to take an unexplained absence from one’s blog. So in the interest of being an overachiever, I’ve decided to offer you several excuses as to why I’ve taken nearly a week to post.
1. I was embroiled in a five-day fiddlin’ duel with the devil.
2. I was peppered with buckshot by a drunken urban pigeon hunter.
3. I was called up to active duty in Iraq. (The Green Zone has awesome margaritas by the way.)
4. I was surgically separating yet another set of Third World Siamese twins sent to America so some media whore hospital can get press coverage.
5. I was a guest host on the View.
6. My toilet overflowed and I was sitting on the counter top waiting for FEMA to rescue me.
7. I was explaining to Oprah why and how she needs to get over herself.
8. I was helping Madonna recover from her hernia operation.
9. I was on a Meth binge.
10. I was taken up to Heaven by the Rapture but returned quickly as Saint Peter realized they had the wrong person.