Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Why the better to head bunt you with

On Easter Sunday I was at my brother’s house sitting on my ass while he was busy cooking a dinner that I told him he needed to host. Talking to his son Zach is always a trip so I was more than happy to pass the time with what has to be the world’s most unusual 7-year-old.

A couple of months back when Zach and Chad picked me up from the train station, Zach told me that in order to get a true measure of the weight of your head, he’d have to cut it off. That’s cool, I said, why did he care anyway? Well he weighs his head quite a bit, he said, but being the stickler to detail that he is, he knows he’ll never get the accuracy he craves. Again, cool, I said and decided not to talk to him the rest of the way home.

So on Sunday I notice him with both hands on either side of his dear little head, patting away with a concerned look on his face.

“Do I have a big head? Kaylla says I have a melon head,” Zach asked, not remotely sad or shy about it. Just very matter-of-fact.

Now as an adult, I should have assured him or tried the change the subject, but this kid is beyond his years and we get along best when I’m totally straight up.

“Uh, Kaylla has a big head. We all do. That’s why we’re so freaking smart.”

He laughed. He’s a gorgeous kid and he knows it.

For the most part, my immediate family has robust, shanty Irish-sized heads. We’re by no means freaks, and we all manage to attract the opposite sex so it’s certainly not an issue but it when it comes to hats and stuff, well it can be a problem.

I’ve actually kept this in mind when I think of the man I’ll possibly pro-create with. He must have a pea-head so our children will have the chance at a normal life. Thank God things didn’t work out with this one guy whose head was so big, his high school football coach had to order a special helmet for him.


Nikki said...

As I am out and about, I will keep my eye open for little head men to send your way keeping the average to big headed men for myself.

Iwanski said...

Female, 25ish, giant cranium, seeks man with tiny head who enjoys music, dining out, walks on the beach and watching Reba.

Anonymous said...

Your theory is good, but it does not work. I have a large head and my wife has a small head. Both kids have large heads. Maybe reversed it may have some impact on the size of the head. I guess we will have to look to you to get this mystery solved.

angelatee said...

Anonymous, I'm no geneticist, but I'm guess big-headedness is a dominant trait.

But I'm telling you, a couple of the melon heads I dated would have translated into 40 days of labor if the relationships ever got that far. So to thin it out. . .

We should start telling people we have four brains.

Vanderbilt Ignoble said...

head bunt? i always said 'head butt,' which kind of makes me laugh as i type it out.

seriously, though, derek jeter is probably the best head bunter i've ever seen.

angelatee said...

Vandy, I always said head butt too, but I wasn't sure so I googled the term and head bunt seemed to be the way to go. .

I agonized over this! what does everyone else say????

Anonymous said...

ha finally someone agrees with me...i mean headbutt makes no sense what-so-ever...it's head bunt right?