Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Experience Not Needed

Dear White House Hiring Person:

Given the recent nomination of that creepy lady to the Supreme Court who has never been a judge, and that dumbass who headed up FEMA, yet had no emergency management experience, I thought I would throw my hat in the ring for the following posts should they become vacant:

Surgeon General—I’ve been the keeper of the office First Aid Kit for the past 10 months, and I put a huge bottle of hand sanitizer on my desk yesterday, encouraging co-workers to use it at will (flu and cold season is coming!). Back when I didn’t have health insurance I visited WebMD frequently.

Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff—I’ve seen “Stripes” like 42 times.

Secretary of State—I took a Post Soviet foreign policy class at Illinois State back in 1994 earning a gentlewoman’s C. I also took the Foreign Service exam. I didn’t pass, but that’s neither here nor there.

Fed Chairman—Right now Greenspan’s reports to Congress are buh-buh-buh-boooorrring! I could make jokes like I did back in my business reporting class. Example, “Man, I think my credit card debt just surpassed the GNP!”

Secretary of Energy—I once dated a guy who worked for Commonwealth Edison.

Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security—I also dated a smattering of first responders and a trained killer.

So as you can see I’d make a great addition to the Bush administration in just about ANY capacity.

Call me, ok?



Nikki said...

I find that you are more than qualified for these positions. I'll put a good word in for you with the powers that be.

t2ed said...

I don't have any paper trail either. Can I be one the Supremes too? Pretty plese? I promise to almost always wear pants under my robe. Almost.

Word verification of the day: "flurc"

Definition: What M. Brown did to FEMA.

Used in a sentence: Man, Brownie, you really flurced that up.

hooizz said...

whats scary is that you JUST might get the job.



angelatee said...

Nikki, t2ed, and Hoizz: you guys are going to get some sweet ass Ambassadorships when I weazel my way into the Bush White House.

I'll keep you posted.

t2ed said...

I wanted to be Ambassador to Jamaica. Because you know that job just involves sitting on the beach, eating jerk chicken and periodically taking a tour of the Red Stripe factory to be up some free cases. Sweet!