Dear White House Hiring Person:
Given the recent nomination of that creepy lady to the Supreme Court who has never been a judge, and that dumbass who headed up FEMA, yet had no emergency management experience, I thought I would throw my hat in the ring for the following posts should they become vacant:
Surgeon General—I’ve been the keeper of the office First Aid Kit for the past 10 months, and I put a huge bottle of hand sanitizer on my desk yesterday, encouraging co-workers to use it at will (flu and cold season is coming!). Back when I didn’t have health insurance I visited WebMD frequently.
Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff—I’ve seen “Stripes” like 42 times.
Secretary of State—I took a Post Soviet foreign policy class at Illinois State back in 1994 earning a gentlewoman’s C. I also took the Foreign Service exam. I didn’t pass, but that’s neither here nor there.
Fed Chairman—Right now Greenspan’s reports to Congress are buh-buh-buh-boooorrring! I could make jokes like I did back in my business reporting class. Example, “Man, I think my credit card debt just surpassed the GNP!”
Secretary of Energy—I once dated a guy who worked for Commonwealth Edison.
Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security—I also dated a smattering of first responders and a trained killer.
So as you can see I’d make a great addition to the Bush administration in just about ANY capacity.
Call me, ok?