Saturday, July 30, 2005

"That'll be $3.49 for that water."

No, I wasn't at Charlie Trotter's or a Halliburton-run mess hall in Baghdad. Try the freaking movie theatre.

"I feel like I've just been raped," my movie companion and pal Janel said last night after she paid for her precious 16 oz. bottle of Dasani. The poor kid behind the counter looked like he wanted to sink into the ground. "Um, I'll have one of those, too." I said, adding to Janel that I planned on licking the condensation off of the bottle to try and get my money's worth.

Of course we wouldn't flinch when paying $3.49 for a beer--likely several beers in a bar. But in movie theatre, it's hard not to feel like you're being held captive and taking advantage of by a bunch of jerks somewhere.

More on movies. .
I grew up in a small town called LaSalle. A fact which I know the tens of readers I have are already aware. But back in the day, this place had three theatres in a downtown that was about three blocks long. I remember seeing Risky Business at the Illinois Valley Twin Cinemas with my friend Peggy as 10-year olds and paying like a$1.50 to get in. We actually got notes from our moms to get in because it was "R". This is the same place where I had freaked out at age 4 because my mom took me to see "Grizzly" and the theatre had some guy dressed in a grizzly costume outside. I didn't calm down until the guy took off the costume's head and reassured me that, he wasn't a grizzly bear bent on eating me and my mother.

I'm going to call her tonight and find out why she thought a four-year-old could handle "18-feet of gut-crunching, man-eating terror!"

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Friday, July 29, 2005

These are a few of my least favorite things. . .

Common interests and hobbies are typically the glue that holds friendships and romantic relationships together. But I’ve found that common dislikes are really profound when it comes to molding a relationship. There’s just nothing like it when two people hate the same shit.

To that end, I thought I’d list some of the stuff/people that bug the hell out of me. People closest to me hate a lot of this too. (This list is in no particular order.)

-People who take too long getting their coffee at self-serve coffee stations. Do we really need to add sugar one . . . granule . . . at . . . a . . . time?
-People who do not move to the back of a crowded bus, or give you a dirty look if brush them trying to get past. I mean dude, do you really think if I had a choice I’d want to touch you?

-Sun-Times columnist Michael Sneed. I loathe everything about this woman. The way she looks, writes. . everything! Her “Sneedlings” are always asinine, and I really can’t believe a major metro daily would let her deliver their paper, let alone write for it.

-Metra trains filled with suburban commuters that sit FOREVER at Canal and Fulton while I’m trying to get to work. Although I enjoy making fun of the commuters in my head as they have their panicked faces pressed up against the glass, waiting to get out, I do have a job to get to.

-Swarms of Metra commuters who try to run me down at Madison and Canal while I wait for the 60 bus or God forbid, try to cross their path to get a newspaper. I can’t believe ALL of them are running late. I always have to check to see if Godzilla is chasing them. And it's worthy to note bunch of them are usually stopping first in the Osco to buy single serving bottles of wine or beers. Apparently they need to steel themselves for whatever awaits them at home.

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Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Our mayor . . . the souse?

Maybe it’s just the Irish genes, or his years of breathing the air of Bridgeport, but my God our Mayor constantly looks hammered! Day in, and day out he’s got the watery eyes, the flushed face, the trademark bedhead, and the slurred speech.

Now I’m pretty sure he’s not a drunk. Never heard anything to support this claim, and never once saw a bruise on Maggie. But it could explain his frequent memory lapses and his belligerence when reporters probe him about the city’s scandal du jour.

Tool from Channel 7: Uh, Mr. Mayor what’s the deal with the city employees operating a drug cartel on city time?

Mayor: Wha? I have no idea what you’re talking about. Are you accusing me of taking drugs?!#$

With my boyfriend Patty Fitz hot on his tail, I won’t be surprised if da Mayor does start hitting the sauce. The blackout defense probably wouldn’t hold up in court, but it’s a damn good one.

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I heart Patrick Fitzgerald

Is that a scathing 300-page indictment in your pocket Pat, or are just glad to see me?

I've had the hots for Chicago U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald since he came here the summer of 2001. Among many other types of guys, I'm attracted to nerds, irishmen, and tall guys, and he's got all three. And now that he's working hard to bring down Karl "Turd Blossom" Rove, I'm head over heels for him.

I "met" him a couple of months after 9/11 in the Walgreen's at the corner of Randolph and State. He was looking at greeting cards (probably picking out a nice one to send to his poor immigrant Irish mom in NYC). I use the term "met" loosely as I kind of stalked him for a bit until I worked up the courage to approach him. When courage found me, I walked over to him and stuck out my hand in all my spastic glory. "Hi, are you Patrick Fitzgerald?" He nodded and smiled, looking quite taken aback as he shook my hand. Then I spit out the following, probably without taking a breath: "HimynameisAngiehowdoyoulikeChicagohaveaniceholidaybyetakecarenicemeetingyouwillyoube thefatherofmychildren!" (Alright I really didn't ask him to be my baby daddy)

If I wasn't so lazy, and if I didn't have the attention span of a toddler, I'd be a proper stalker. (So Pat, you're safe! You can back off, FBI. . . .just kidding, Call me!) And actually all joking aside, this guy truly seems like a respectable public servant floating in a vast sea of douche bags. So he's completely worthy of my admiration.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Famous Angies

There's Angie Dickinson from "Police Woman." I used to always confuse her with Dinah Shore when I was little.

Then there's Angie Bowie who as many know is the inspiration for the Rolling Stone's "Angie". However,I do remember her appearing on Geraldo Rivera's show back in the day and saying it was actually written for David Bowie. Apparently Mick and David used to get it on. That, I'm sure, was quite a sight. I'm eating lunch as I write this, and yes. . . I think I'm done.

Contempary Angies include Angie Everhart who comes off like a dirty skank, although she is pretty for a redhead (just kidding Janel). And there's Angie Harmon-Sehorn. Again, very pretty but I do remember her whining about the Sehorns being lone Republicans in Hollywood and no one would invite them to play their reindeer games. Get over it. And Sehorn proposing to Angie on Leno was a little cheesy.

A fictional Angie I remember is Donna Pescow in the 70's T.V. show, "Angie." The show starred the zany pilot from "Airplane" and the mom from Everybody Loves Raymond.