Wednesday, October 12, 2005

This taint your Grandma's magazine

The last time I bought a Cosmopolitan magazine, George W. Bush was just a failed Texas businessman and Seinfeld was still in primetime. It’s got to be one of the silliest publications on the newstands.

Actually, I’ve always thought most women’s magazines of the Cosmo genre aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on, and my disdain has nothing to do with my body image or feminism.

I find the sex articles to be beyond ridiculous.

From the day I first picked up a Cosmo at age 15 or 16, I was bombarded with headlines like, “Give him mind-blowing blowers,” or “Please your man one position at a time.” But mostly these articles tried to indoctrinate women about how we’re ignoring the taint, the supposed male version of the G-spot.(I say supposed because I taint met a man yet who supports this theory.)

There was no avoiding the taint. So after my 165th taint article, I decided to solely devote my mind-rotting reading choices to entertainment magazines and tabloids. Over the years, I’d glance at Cosmo’s cover and scan the headlines. Nothing changed.

Last night however, they got to me. I was finishing up my 10-minute grocery shopping challenge at Dominicks where I saw this in the checkout line:

“Our New Sex Position Named 77,
It's as Mind-Blowing as That Other Naughty Number”

The 77? That’s like 8 more! 8 more of what, I had no idea. They got me though. I was kind of embarrassed to buy it, and as I had guessed when I read the article before my aerobics class, it was some stupid, awkward sounding thing that I’d never do.

Or would I?


t2ed said...

I can't believe you're not spilling what "The 77" is. You're such a tease!

But that's probably what those magazine tell you to do to us poor men....

angelatee said...

Sorry R2, this blog is PG-13

Neil said...

I was in the supermarket today and noticed for the first time that there is now a Man's Vogue. With all of these men's magazines out now, the magazine industry is clearly trying to make our gender as crazed as insecure as the women's magazine industry tries with you.