I’m convinced there’s a picture of me hanging in the conference room at the ad agency responsible for marketing useless shit to consumers.
“What’s Angie buying this week?”
“Uh, just got the numbers, sir. Let’s see, some headbands she’ll never wear. Sweaters that are too big, but we priced them right, so she bought two. And avocado oil.”
“I bet she has no idea what to do with that,eh?”
“God, I love her.”
Last night at my neighborhood grocery store, La Casa Del Pueblo, I almost bought something called saliva soap, but then put it back when I realized it was “savila” soap. At this store I’ve finally realized my threshold for impulse buys. Items like pig hooves, 6-ft lengths of sugar cane, and calf stomach lining don’t find their way into my cart.
But there is lots of stuff at Mexican grocery stores that I never realized I had to have until I laid my eyes on it.
Like jalapeno shampoo. Makes me look just like Salma Hayek after use. And a medicinal tea called Smooth Move. Don’t think I have to explain that one, do I?