Baby, it's mothereffin cold outside

Coldest December in Chicago? You don't say.

I was waiting for the bus this morning hoping my eyeballs wouldn't freeze solid when a dog sled pulled up instead of the 60. I had to get to work and Eskimos smell way better than the homeless and junkies so I hopped on.

I'm telling you, I don't care how cold it gets next month, I'm not going to eat whale blubber and I'm not sleeping with short, slanty-eyed, caribou fur-clad butterballs.

Coming soon: Why it took me nearly two weeks to post. Thanks to those of you who noticed. I appreciate it.