Debby Downer Endorses Hillary Clinton

Late Friday afternoon I told a coworker that something might be wrong with me because I've yet to fall in love with Barack Obama. I like him, but I don't "like him - like him." I guess I should, right? We have this super smart guy who can hit a speech out of the park and make people feel warm and fuzzy inside, all while dreaming of a better tomorrow. It looks like some independents and Republicans are taking a look at him. That sure is something, I'll admit. And Caroline Kennedy endorsed the guy, for Christ sakes! I should be sitting in a Loop office somewhere, making phone calls right now for Joe Charisma, except for this one little thing.

I don't buy it. I can't help thinking that the Illinois State Senate to political rock star to presidential candidate is too big of a leap. I can't seem to stifle the incredulity that prompts a rolling of the eyes when I hear that Obama is different. Obama is going to change politics. Obama is a uniter. Experience doesn't matter.

Please.

Common sense dictates that it's impossible to get beyond a seat on a school board (especially in Chicago) without getting your hands dirty. Tony Rezko is evidence of that. And today's Chicago Tribune endorsement of Obama mentions Rezko with language that in my opinion, supports the perception of a few that the media has fallen for Obama.

"His assertion in network TV interviews last week that nobody had indications Rezko was engaging in wrongdoing strains credulity: Tribune stories linked Rezko to questionable fundraising for Gov. Rod Blagojevich in 2004 -- more than a year before the adjacent home and property purchases by the Obamas and the Rezkos."

Strains credulity? Obama lied to cover his ass, and will likely continue to do so, just like any other politician. And anyway, big deal. Hillary had her buddy Michael Hsu, except she's not running around the country like an earnest boy scout. So Obama, man up. Rezko is fair game.

Someone said last week that Bill Clinton needed to "chill." I agree. But Bill isn't the only one. We have to remember that something like just 15 percent of the electorate participates in primaries. General election voters are different animals and alot can happen before November. Is too much to ask for a collective deep breath among Democrats? And let's not forget that what the media giveth, it can taketh away, frequently without warning or cause. What will happen if they get bored or worse, with Obama? What will he have left to stand on?

For the last several months when people asked me who I'd vote for, I'd say somewhat half-heartedly, "Well, if I had to vote tomorrow, I'd vote for Hillary." Well tomorrow, is just about a week way, and I'm still there. I will vote for Hillary on Feb. 5th, because I think she'd be a better president.

I'll be honest and admit that I'm not quite over Bill Clinton, so he's a bit of a factor. She was First Lady, sure, but as we all know, not the kind who fussed over flowers and seating charts at State Dinners. She was much more than that, to the dismay of many, but that experience (even the failed health care overhaul) will be invaluable in another Clinton Whitehouse. And Senator Clinton, unlike Senator Obama, has done some real work in the U.S. Senate for her constituents, again giving her an edge in my view.

What's left to address is this issue of her likability. Perhaps I have my head in the sand, but I've always thought that what was at the root of most Republican anti-Clintonism was the fact that they possess this skill rarely found among Democrats--they know how to win elections. And after eight years of George Bush, I'll take their pragmatic no-holds barred campaign style over flowery speeches anytime.

Call me crazy, but I think this woman can do it.

How would Goose answer these?

There's a few tell tale events that signal that I've had too much to drink. One is the phone, comes out and I start calling whoever was crazy enough to give me their number in the first place. Another involves me perhaps, ordering rounds of shots, making a new male friend, or urging pals to commit petty crimes like scaling the wall of our old high school stadium. A few weeks ago, I added a new one to the list: You know it's time for me to go home when I start blabbing about how I'm either going to become a Buddhist, or start my own religion. And then I may launch into a speal about how we're all going to disappear into a vapor soon, so it really doesn't matter if I find a religion.

Anyway, imagine my glee when I happened upon a list of questions Scientologists ask potential recruits in their "audit." I borrowed this idea from my beloved Dlisted.com. These questions are much more interesting than the ones I had to answer way back in Catechism classes. I've only selected a few, so feel free to visit this site for more. And I'm pretty sure this religion isn't for me.

• Have you ever killed the wrong person? I have a 98% success rate. No one's perfect!

• Have you ever been a professional critic? No, I'm definitely an accomplished amateur critic.

• Have you ever wiped out a family? If you have any idea of how to do that, please let me know.

• Have you ever tried to give sanity a bad name? I've never tried to give sanity a bad name, however at a Bon Jovi concert in 1989 at the Peoria Civic Center, I specifically remember Jon Bon Jovi saying that I gave love a bad name. Does that count?

• Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion? No, well not consistently.

• Have you ever made love to a dead body? Oh, that's why he didn't call!

• Have you ever engaged in piracy? I may or may not have a few programs on my computer that were obtain at a heavy discount.

• Have you ever been a pimp? Yes, once or maybe nine times I may have pimped out friends for free drinks.

• Have you ever eaten a human body? Too many Weight Watchers points.

• Have you ever disfigured a beautiful thing? Yes, I once poured Sun-In allover my black hair in high school and had to walk around with an orange head.

• Is anybody looking for you? God, I hope so.

• Did you come to Earth for evil purposes? Initially, no. But as the years wore on, I became increasingly irritated and am now about ten days away from my plan to . . . uh, you'll see soon enough.

• Have you ever made a practice of confusing people? Shluppidah doo winglatee!

• Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead? Acted? Like in a movie about a teenage boy whose parents go away and leave him alone to turn their suburban house into a brothel?

• Have you ever gone crazy? I have but try not to stay too long.

• Have you ever smothered a baby? With love and kisses, of course!

• Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real? Wha?

Dressing appropriately for the weather

Winter took a little vakay from Chicago the past couple of days when the temps went above 60, and every last flake of snow melted. While it was a welcomed reprieve from typical January weather, I just about needed a U-Haul to tote all the possible gear I'd need to be prepared for any further fluctuations.

Umbrella, check. Coat that won't feel like you're carrying a soggy dog around on your back if it gets wet and will fit in your bag if you get too hot walking from the L to your office, check. Layered clothing because you know your office will be a sweltering 90 degrees, check. Gloves and hat in case the temperature takes a surprising 40 degree dip between lunch and quitting time, check. You get the idea. It's kind of a pain.

Every year I'm good for a few days each season where I'm not quite grasping the concept of dressing appropriately for the weather. It took a couple of winters here before I came to understand the importance of wearing a hat from November to March. There was a time when March 1st meant Angie's spring has sprung, knee deep snow and the threat of pneumonia be damned, I was downsizing from a bulky winter coat. And then there are the polyester leisure suits I like to crack out in late August.

So anyway, we're getting back to normal and I'm glad. Climate change is spooky. We're Chicagoans and it's winter for crying out loud. We're supposed to have cracked, bleeding hands and static electricity in our hair. The "Caution: Falling Ice" signs are everywhere with nary an icicle to fall and pierce an unsuspecting pedestrian's skull.

God help us, everyone.