Thursday, August 04, 2005

Al-Zawahiri needs a hug

Bin Laden should consider getting a publicist. Or at the very least a new spokesman.

If Osama really wants to win the hearts and minds of Americans, this Ayman Al-Zawahiri guy is much too abrasive for the job. We, as a people, do not like to be lectured.

"Didn't Osama bin Laden tell you that you would never dream of peace until we actually live it in Palestine and before all the infidel armies withdraw from the land of Mohammed?

Yes, Osama told us. We remember Ayman. Geez. Got anything new for us?

"Stop stealing our oil and wealth and stop supporting corrupt rulers."

And THEN you woke up. Ayman baby, that ain’t never gonna happen. What else?

"Instead (of accepting the truce), you spilled rivers of blood in our countries, and we exploded volcanoes of anger in your countries."

Come on stop being such a drama queen. And besides, who talks like this? "Volcanoes of anger. . ." Who’s writing this script?

"The truth that has been kept from you by (President) Bush, (Secretary of State Condoleezza) Rice and (Defense Secretary Donald) Rumsfeld is that there is no way out of Iraq. ."

What? Bush, Rice, and Rumsfeld have been lying to us? You have got to be kidding me. Thanks for giving us the head’s up, we had no idea.

I kind of think Bush craps his pants just a little when these guys show up on T.V.

I know I do, and then I remember how much I love religion.

Tomorrow: Operation Red Dawn

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