Friday, August 19, 2005

I totally want to have a three-way with Jim DeRogatis and Greg Kot

Now that's an attention-grabber, eh?

Growing up, my brother Chad and I fought quite frequently. Verbal assaults mainly, and our mother would quickly get sick of hearing it and declare, “I WISH YOU TWO WOULD START SAYING NICE THINGS TO EACHOTHER!”

In response, we developed a strategy called “talking in opposites.” Meaning, you’d say something to a person, but mean the exact opposite. That person would know you’re talking in opposites, and thereby feel the full sting of statements like, “You’re pretty,” “I really like your hair today,” or “you have a lot of friends.” I don’t think we ever really felt we put one over on the old lady, but it was fun for us.

By now I think you’ve grasped the direction of today’s posting.

I DO NOT, in fact, wish to have a three-way with the Rock critics from the Sun-Times and the Chicago Tribune, respectively.

After perusing the day's news, and using our in opposites strategy I have made a few observations:

- I am absolutely shocked that a former Colin Powell-aide is saying that Powell’s famous rally-to-arms UN speech was based on complete crap that Bush's administration called intelligence. I think he's lying when he says, “"It was anything but an intelligence document. It was, as some people characterized it later, sort of a Chinese menu from which you could pick and choose."

-I didn’t for one second think a politically incorrect thought when I read the headline “Poll: Over 40% in Mexico would live in U.S.”

-I think President Bush is totally deserving of a month-long vacation. He works really hard. I hope one day I can go to the western White House.

-After living in Chicago for nearly 9 years, I’m not the least bit upset that I’ll probably never get a ghost-payrolling job with the city. I love having to work everyday. I love eating lunch at my desk, and never getting a chance to sneak out and run a drug syndicate while working for Streets and San. I’m o.k. with it, really.

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