Last night I caught an interview with Vince Vaughn and Susan Carlson from Channel Two.
It was excruciating.
Now Ms. Carlson did everything right I think according to the Chicago school of entertainment reporting. And that is to ask the celebrity the same fucking question as many times as you can, but take care to reframe it ever so slightly each time you ask it. "So how do you like Chicago?", "How was filming here?", "What do you think of the people?", "Chicago has great restaurants, right?" "It's my kind of town, how 'bout you? "CHICAGOCHICAGOCHICAGO!" It's almost maniacal. And they all do it. Janet Davies, Sneed, Roger Ebert, and so on and so on.
Do their editors or producers or whatever think this city is brimming with insecure people who need a celebrity tell them their city is cool? Are we a bunch of portly and homely teenage girls begging, "Do you really think I'm pretty? Really?"
O.K. back to Vince Vaughn. Clearly he has established that he likes it here. He grew up here, he just bought a house, so Susan Carlson could have moved on, my God. But she didn't and I think sexpot Vince was getting a little annoyed. I would have asked him the tough questions if I was doing the interview. Like why does he have to be so hot? Or, would he like to come over to my place and watch History Detectives and drink beer?
I know this happens because these folks basically suck at interviewing and doing something original would cause internal bleeding. So they're taking the easy route. I should feel sorry for them. But I don't. It just aggravates the bejeezus out of me.
Are we supposed to feel inferior to the great NYC, L.A. or D.C? Hell no.
Nelson Algren said that "loving Chicago is like loving a woman with a broken nose." I love that! And I'm thinking Nelson would have done a bang-up job when hotshot celebrities came into this city back in the day.
I'm sure old Nelson wouldn't mind if I borrow this and take it further:
"Loving Washington D.C. is like loving a smarmy know-it-all who lies to you and makes you pay for everything."
"Loving L.A. is like loving a sushi-eating pansy who wouldn't think twice about blowing the mortgage on botox treatments."
"Loving New York is like loving a pretentious, $1,000 suit with legs who very likely had drunken oral sex with a fraternity brother once or twice." (Ok, I have no idea where that came from, but for now it seems pretty funny)