Iraq Study Group, Shmyrack Shmudy Group, this war ain't ending, the draft is coming and I'm going to Canada!
Well just for New Year's Eve. And I'm making two friends come with. Both redheads, I'm sure I'm in for a whole lot of trouble. For this blog post, I will name them Red and Rusty.
We're taking Red's SUV and driving to Toronto from Chicago (only really smart people drive through the heart of the Great Lakes in the dead of winter, but this is what you'd call an adventure.) I'm in charge of producing the soundtrack for the trip, and have dutifully downloaded several tracks by Canadian artists. Everything from Celine Dion to Corey Hart. Red is bringing snacks (Rusty said she wants pizza combos) and we'll have lots of magazines and celebrity gossip to discuss. It is likely that Red will prepare a full spread of appetizers and dips. That's just the kind of gal Red is.
Hopefully Rusty doesn't hold us up at the border patrol (is that what you call it?) Just a few months after 9/11, we went to London and Rusty had a HUGE machete in her carry on (ok, just a little key chain pocket knife) and it was quite the ordeal to get her through (ok, maybe it took her a couple of extra minutes.) She lost the pocket knife though! Shit, what's a girl without her pocket knife in the big city? Poor Rusty. We have our passports ready. And we're really excited about using different money and drinking beer that's about 10 percent cheaper. Maybe we'll get sick and enjoy some free, universal healthcare!
I'm ready to say, "What are you talking aboot?" when someone tells me about their gun control laws. And it's a given that Rusty and I will have this back and forth inspired by Tommy Chong in That 70s show. I'll ask in a dopey way, "What are YOU doing in Canada?" and then she'll say "What are YOU doing in Canada?" And then I'll say, "What are YOU doing in Canada?" and then she'll say "What are YOU doing in Canada?"
And then Red will throw us out of her SUV. Probably on 8 Mile in Motown. Yikes!