Wednesday, December 06, 2006

A whale of a an interview

While many of you have forgotten the Sea World orca who attacked her handler a week or so ago, I've been trying to get an interview with the tempestuous Kasatka to no avail. A true diva, she's protected behind a wall of publicists a mile thick.

Late last night, Kasatka called me. Here's a little sample from our Q and A.

Me: Geez Kasatka, it's like 2 a.m.

Kasatka: Look lady do you want this interview or not?

Me: Sure. Sorry. So what happened?

Kasatka: God, why is everyone so transfixed by this story? You'd think I flashed my whale coochie to paparazzi like Brittney or Lindsay.

Me: Actually Kasatka, no one really cares. I just need something for my blog.

Kasatka: Oh. Anyway I was having a pretty bad day--bloated, tired, you know--and I was trying to send that idiot Ken Peters the I-don't-wanna-be-your-trick-pony vibe but he wasn't getting it. So I decided to kill him.

Me: Kill him? That's kind of bitchy. Couldn't you just, like quit?

Kasatka: Dude, I'm a KILLER whale. That's what I do.

Me: It seemed like you had second thoughts. What happened.

Kasatka: Yeah, the guy's got a family and shit. The holidays are here. . .

Me: I didn't know whales had such hearts!

Kasatka: And, we're highly intelligent you know.

Me: I thought that was the dolphins.

Kasatka: Fuck that, most plankton's smarter than your average dolphin.

Me: Kasatka, you have quite a mouth.

Kasatka: I'm kind of drunk. I gotta go.

Me: Ok. Drink a ton of water before you go to bed. Less of a hangover that way.

Kasatka: Thanks for the tip.

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