Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Jesus Shmeezus

I’m wondering if my friends and family would have me committed if I said I wanted to sit this holiday season out. A one-woman boycott, if you will.

This year I feel more aggravated than ever. It’s not depressing, but it’s certainly vexing.
The Christmas shit is out sooner (can I get over my Halloween hangover on Novemember 1st please?), we just got a holiday card in the mail yesterday at work, and I accidentally stumbled upon “It’s Beginning to Look A lot like Christmas,” on the radio about five minutes ago.

This morning I couldn’t ignore a co-worker enough when she kept pressing me about organizing a holiday gift exchange and dinner. I tried everything, but then had to engage her.

“When are we going to do it?”

“I don’t care, you guys decide.”

“But when?

“Really, just figure it out and let me know.”

Somebody kill me.

Now I’m not a Scrooge, by any means. I’m capable of warm and fuzzy feelings and I don’t need Bob Marley (or was it Jacob) to visit me in my sleep to show me the beauty of the holiday.

It’s old boy  J.C.’s birthday for Godsakes! And doesn’t the crazy spending orgy fuel our economy? Or at least it used to when some of the stuff was actually made here. (We give our jobs to China wrapped in a big holiday bow and in return all we get are a lot of bad drivers and the annual threat of an apocalyptic plague. Don’t they know how this Christmas thing works?)

I just need to ease into this. Does anyone else feel like there’s a 3-ton Santa standing on their chest, jamming candy canes into their eyes?

Just curious.



Vanderbilt Ignoble said...

The Santa on my chest is only 180 lbs. And I asked him to stand there, so maybe this comment is irrelevant...

Nikker said...

I am with you on this! I can deal with the shit coming out sooner. I just started putting up my tree last night. It is way too much work for only 1 month! The worst is the day itself when you follow the same tradition of arguing about where we are going to go next and when are we leaving to get there. The only actual joy is making it to our last stop, Elle's, and hanging out with a cold beer and good friends! Hope to see you there this year.

By the way, I went onto your link. That's not good! I will be in Hell with you though, I couldn't resist putting JC in an elf's outfit!

Katie said...

I'm a silent reader of your blog and I am finally coming out of my quiet corner to tell you how much I appreciate your dress-up Jesus. And like reading your blog. So thanks for a laugh every now and again.

t2ed said...

I thought Santa shoved the candy canes a little lower than the eyes.

You can buy happiness. You never see a sad person on a wave runner and you never see a homeless person skip.

'p' is for profound said...

i think the same thing every year, and every year, the damn people pull out their christmas trees and christmas lights earlier and earlier. seems like everyone has decorated for the holidays. oy. my rule for holiday decorations is not until after thanksgiving!!

angelatee said...

Vanderbilt-your comment is very relevant and very welcome. There was a little snow here today so I'm feeling less annoyed my Santa just weighs 2 tons.

Nik-Have a Miller Lite waiting for me at 10 pm Saturday.

Katie--You are obviously very smart and most likely the coolest person of all your friends. Thanks for reading! I love playing dress-up Jesus. See I think that guy has a sense of humour.

T2-I've never felt that emotions were mutually exclusive. I'm happy while at the same time annoyed that I won't be able to escape this holiday nonsense. Happily miserable is possible.

P-You celebrate Christmas? I wanted to be first to ask you that.

Anonymous said...

homo turkey says what?

YEAH Christmas sux!

Mike said...

I wouldn't say a 3 ton santa but definitely a mother who says that I should try to keep it going for a 5 year old niece.

"Once she figures out there's not a Santa then you can forget about it until you have kids."

Ok, #1... There's no Santa? I just thought the guy hated me.

#2... I'm going to have kids?

I do agree though, the holiday season comes around way too early and hangs around way too long.

Jackie said...

Hey, you could skip christmas if you want and do festivus, like on seinfeld.

Yeah, that's lame.


Remember, santas are just a modified version of a scary clown.