Tuesday, January 31, 2006

What keeps me honest

Different religions have different ideas of what heaven is like. Boring. I’d like to know what you think hell might be like. Lake of fire? All-night poker games with demons? A tough job interview that lasts into perpetuity, maybe.

Well here’s mine. And remember this is eternal damnation we’re talking about.

I’m at a bar where the jukebox has Meatloaf’s Paradise by the Dashboard Lights on repeat. No matter how much I drink, I can’t get drunk and I’m fused to the bar stool next to the biggest stroke in all of Hades. He’s telling a story so boring I’d wish I’d die. But, fuck, I already have so there’s no escape. The Bush twins are dancing on the bar, and I can’t get to my friends who are in the corner, laughing and looking like they’re having the time of their after-lives.

O.K. now you go!


Anonymous said...


angelatee said...

oh, and I'm wearing a bridesmaid dress

she who is reduced to commenting on her own blog said...

and George Bush is President. . hey wait a minute!

Vanderbilt Ignoble said...

hmmmm...my hell would probably be one in which my gamecube turned into a playstation 2.

whats a stroke?

The Cuilidh said...

Well thats easy. I know this is old but maybe you dont care.

My idea of hell is standing in the middle of the town square wearing a barny costume, wearing headphones I cant remove blaring Christine Aguilara (SP who the hell cares) or Mariah Carrie, while holding a 6 pound book in my extended left arm, which I would love to read but cant reel in, and having an unloaded 45 in my right arm that doesn't cause wounds to me when I bash myself in the head with it. All this while Tom Cruise is running around in front of me singing and dancing to "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy".

I may or may not be standing in a vat of lime green jello.