Texas can suck George Bush's dick*

Hey, I didn’t say it, Madonna did--last night during her show, that mouthy little thing. But it would have been funnier if she said that while she was hanging on the cross with her crown of thorns instead of while she was singing some lame song about how much she loves New York.

Now that would have had some punch.

So yesterday I’m toiling away at work when a coworker called and offered me a couple of last minute tickets to the concert at the United Center. The one and only Madonna show I’ve ever seen was awesome and the astronomical tickets were half-price, so yep I was in and so was ol’ girl Janel.

With a vertigo and $7.50 beer fueled buzz, I was ready to shake what my momma gave me when Madonna hopped out on stage. She was wearing a wacked out riding outfit and huge screens were flashing what I guess is one of her latest videos behind her. I’m not 100% sure though, as I haven’t had MTV or VH1 in years and kind of checked out after Ray of Light.

“She is a FREAK!” I said, loving every minute of it. Janel agreed.

As the show continued, what Madonna wanted, Madonna got.

“HEY MOTHERFUCKERS! PUT SOME EFFORT IN THIS!” She shouted at a couple of rows on the floor that wasn’t standing up and doing the obligatory rocking out. “IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE MY FRONT ROW BITCHES, YOU’D BETTER ACT LIKE IT!” I was wondering if she kisses her rabbi with that mouth.


And anyway, no shit Madonna. We had some retards sitting behind us who actually asked me to sit down if I wasn’t going to dance. The girls on the left of me (also sitting down) seemed a little exasperated when we went for a beer run or a pee break. (Whatever ladies, this wasn’t the gynecologist’s waiting room. It’s a Madonna concert.)

After the concert I told Janel we had to go out for a bit. I love to boss her. I told her Madonna would want us to go out, causing her hesitation to lift. I was fully aware that it was a school night but for a split second, I actually entertained going to Crobar with these chicks from Bulgaria Janel bummed a cigarette off of. They seemed like they'd be a blast to hangout with, and most importantly they thought I was a genius because I know what the capital of their homeland is.

“Sofia is the capital!” I shouted like Rain Man after they told us where they were from.

“OH MY GOD! HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?” They were geniunely shocked.

I didn’t realize it was a secret.

*Now a co-worker maintains that she said, "George Bush can suck my dick." But I think my version is more plausible.