Thursday, November 09, 2006

Thank you notes

My coworker, a newlywed, is plowing through a list of thank-you's she has to write and uses our Metra commute to hammer out a few each day.

Thank you notes are important, of course. Not acknowledging a gift or a kindness is terrible indeed. But I must admit there are plenty of notes I've should have written over the years, and I'd like to use my blog today to try and catch up.

April 4, 1981

Dear President Reagan:

Thank you so much for giving my family government cheese. It doesn't melt very good like Velveeta though. I'll just pretend it is I guess.

Angie Tee, age 9

P.S. Why does my grandma hate you so much?

November 11, 1983

Dear Aunts and Uncles:

Thank you for being complete losers. Everytime I see you do drugs, or have more children, or I visit your gross houses, you remind me that 18 can't come soon enough.

Good luck and all that,

Your niece,

P.S. Where's my #@$% baby sitting money!!!!

April 10, 1985

Dear Boy I first kissed:

Thank you for sticking your Dorito-encrusted tongue in my mouth. Let's not try the hickey again though. OK? I had the imprint of your braces on my neck and Peggy said she was going to tell my mom when we were in Social Studies.


October 1990

Dear Boy I first yada-yada'd:

Thank you setting the bar really low. I especially like how you sweat so much during sex it drips into my eyes sometimes. I can't understand why women would sleep around. What, are they worried that they'll be relegated to a life of mediocre sex if they swing at the first pitch?

Curious, huh?



Iwanski said...


SarahReznor said...

love it! LOL! but i shouldnt EVER try this - it would take over my life!!! too many people to "thank"...

Anonymous said...

Nice. The bro is back bitches