>> >From: God
> >To: America, UK, France, Germany, Italy, Israel, Russia, Lebanon, Jordan, Egypt, Syria, Japan, China
> >Subject: You stupid assholes
> >Date: Mon, 31 Jul 2006 09:00 a.m
First of all, someone forward this to Iran. I don’t the right email address.
You all think you’re really something, don’t you? DON’T YOU? You know, I used to be kind of flattered with all of you worshipping me and getting all worked up over whose religion is better and all that. You silly, simple creatures are quite entertaining let me tell you.
I just don’t get you people, which is saying something considering I’m responsible for the train wreck that is mankind and now I’m more than a little fed up. I was over at Abraham Lincoln and Gandhi’s place last night. They live together but it’s completely platonic—believe me, I would know. (Abe was a blubbering idiot after Mary Todd ran off with Richard Nixon and Gandhi helped him through the MESSY breakup. Thank, well Me, because I could only take so much of, “Why him, why not me . . . wah wah!”)
Anyway, I was kind of picking their brains on what I should do. Lincoln thinks I should just wait it out, and thinks you morons will come around soon enough. But Gandhi—and this is totally out of character—thinks I should “do what I have to do” to wipe the slate clean.” Wowza. Just fyi, Jesus has NO desire to come back down there. He was like, been there, done that.
I’d rather you figure this out on your own, but if you can’t, I promise you'll see a whole new brand of ugly.