Here are a few of my ideas to help resolve the Mideast crisis du jour:
-Can’t seem to get the warring armies to get a little perspective? Lock major Mideast players in a room and make them watch a slideshow of the Jolie-Pitt family set to Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror.” (Hey, they said the arrival of Baby Shiloh was the most anticipated birth since Jesus.)
-Ensuring the safety of civilians is easy. Just morph them back into stem cells—that way the Bush administration will move heaven and earth to make sure they don’t meet their demise.
-Loan out Rumsfeld to Lebanon. They would not be in this mess if they would have disarmed and put down Hezbollah—you know, like how we’ve disarmed and put down Al Qaeda.
-Offer up the Bush twins as a swap for the two Israeli officers. I can’t imagine any nation going to war over those skanks.
-Introduce the 10-run rule in war. Right now it’s Israel: 300 Lebanese civilians, Hezbollah: 29 Israelis. Game over. Israel, you won. Good job!
Anyone else have any ideas?