Monday, February 26, 2007

A steaming plate of Oscar re-hash

Thumbs up:

Alan Arkin winning Best Supporting Actor. He's a sexy, funny old man. I'd let him French kiss me, and maybe grab a boob.

Ellen DeGeneres was 99.7 % hilarious, which is quite an accomplishment. Loved the bringing of the script to Martin Score-says. Vacuuming around the front row of ladies was pretty funny too.

The Pan's Labryinth Mexicans were adorable. I'd love to party with them.

Will Ferrell and Jack Black and the guy with three names. . . brilliant. "Ryan Gosling, you're hip and now. . . Well I'm going to break your hip RIGHT NOW!" Loved it.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman's crusty, matted hair was gorgeous. Now my pal Rusty text messaged, "Did he just crawl out of the trash?" when Hoffman took the stage, but I think it's cool. Maybe he is sick of everyone giving him movie offers and wants to be left alone.

Al Gore finally FINALLY got the acknowledgement he deserves for his tireless, decades-long struggle against climate change. Seriously, what a guy. And who says Powerpoint can't change the world? Remember how he and Bill Clinton refused to take big campaign checks from polluters? And then how they fought globalization and the mass exodus of manufacturing jobs to countries with no environmental laws? Oh, wait a minute. That wasn't them?

Thumbs down:

Leo DiCaprio was a total hypocrite on this Global Warming thing (which coincidentally started to get worse around the time he was born.) If he wasn't so incredibly HOT, I bet those polar ice caps would be around for another couple hundred years. GodDAMN is that kid aging well.

Nicole Kidman and Gwynnie Paltrow sporting the Marcia Brady hair do's. Long, stringy, and off to the side doesn't look very hygienic to me. I hope they had to wear hair nets at the Governor's Ball.

Tom Cruise, trying and failing, to hypnotize a billion people when he introduced Sherry "The Creepy, Drugged out Robot" Lansing last night. When he said, "In 1982, Sherry was named president of Paramount Pictures," what he meant was "You will all now bow to me and I will lead us back to our home planet." And was it just me, or did he have to like activate Sherry before she spoke? He whispered some weirdness into her ears, I'm sure.

What was the deal with Abigail Breslin's little girl dress? She looked like the ballerina from those cheap jewelry boxes that twirls around when you open the lid (I used to keep cookies in mine.) And that make-up job? All subtle and appropriate? Alright, I'm kidding. I thought it would be funny to make fun of a 10-year-old kid, the little loser.


t2ed said...

I like Will, Jack & John Reilly singing too. But then that's because comedy always, always gets the shaft in favor of the latest actor to play someone who is diseased, retarded or differently abled.

I thought it should have opened the show.

Misplaced said...

"I'd let him French kiss me, and maybe grab a boob."

I would think grabbing a boob would be less personal then french know, the saliva and all.